They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
