Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
