this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
