Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize
