I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
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