Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Randomize
