Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
