I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
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