I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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