So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
