there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
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