My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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