Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
