We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
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