my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
