so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
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