Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Randomize
