You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
