Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Randomize
