The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Randomize
