We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
