I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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