I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
We are two peas in an std pod
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
