Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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