he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
