I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
