At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
