My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
