my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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