it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Boobs speak an international language.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
