we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
