i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize