I heard we made out
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
