I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
