Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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