no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
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