My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
