I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
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