thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
This can only be settled by a dance off.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
