Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize
