The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
this will be a night to untag.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
