i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
