Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
