Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize