Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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