Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
