I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
