Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
