I bet he comes in French.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
