wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Randomize
