I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
