Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Randomize
