Are we in a gay sports bar?
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize