Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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