hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Randomize
