I accidentally burped into my bong.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
