My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
