If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
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