But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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