I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
