i think i have two assholes
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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