i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I love you. Go after that dick
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
