i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
