you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize