..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
