this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
