Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
There r osticjed everywhere
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
