I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Someone came in the potted fern
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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