A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
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