i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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