she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
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